Monuments to Local Weirdness

1. Ken Klosterman's Houdini Collection
Private collection; photos are online at illusionata.com/mpt/view.php?id=190&type=articles
The local bread baron's 'Salon de Magie' is entombed 83-feet below the Klosterman home. In it, were you invited, you'd find upwards of 20,000 magical artifacts dating to the 18th century, including a large collection of Houdini's enchanted gear.

2. Vent Haven Museum
33 W. Maple Ave., Fort Mitchell, 859-341-0461
Allegedly the only ventriloquist dummy museum in the world, this once private collection is now open to the public and
features hundreds of different kinds of dummies. When you visit, the eyes will follow you wherever you go.

3. Touchdown Jesus
East side of I-75 near Monroe
Towering at 62 feet high with arms stretching 42 feet across, Solid Rock Church's garish image of Christ has been,
depending on your point of view, a source of inspiration, an embarrassment and/or a source of humor.

4. The Spaceship House
224 Wright St., Covington, www.futuro-house.net
It looks a lot like a Flash Gordon-era UFO on stilts. In reality, it's one of many kit homes built around the U.S. by the Futuro company. Imagine a trailer for the disco generation, and you'll get the picture.

5. Cornhole
Like you didn't see this one coming. According to various reports, the game - you win by tossing small bean bags into the hole on a wooden platform - originated on Cincinnati's West Side. Kind of a dumbed-down Tic-Tac-Toss from when we were kids.

6. The Barony of Fenix
www.midrealm.org/baronyfenix
The local chapter of the Society for Creative Anachronisms celebrates pre-17th-century culture by dressing up in period clothes, talking about history and beating the hell out of each other while in full armor.

7. Make Cincinnati Weird
www.makecincinnatiweird.com
This is the digital home of all things weird in the Tristate. Administered by Gerrard Sychay, the site profiles weird people, places and things and was a source of inspiration for this list.

8. Chateau LaRoche
Exit 19 off I-71; 513-683-4686
The Loveland Castle, managed by the Knights of the Golden Trail, was hand-built by Harry Anderson after World War I as a kind of tribute to the castles of Europe. It's a strange and cool example of how Anderson indulged his obsession.

9. The Dean of Cincinnati
www.cincinnatibeacon.com
The Dean has a new site, but he's still one weird guy. Armed with his masters degree, a cape and a knack for provoking thought and ire, he often makes for a good read. Local activist/bar owner/council candidate Nick Spencer is one of the regular targets on the Dean's oddball site.

10. The Subway That Doesn't Run
Beneath Central Parkway, tour information at www.cincinnatiadvance.com
Started before the Depression as a way to use the ditch left by the Erie Canal, Cincinnati's subway has several miles of tunnels that were never used. There's no train, but you can walk the tracks once a year during the annual tour.

Picks from the First Best of Cincinnati in 1997

1. First Three Picks Don't Exist Anymore
The first three staff picks in the first section, Eats, recommended dishes at Arboreta, Oldenberg's Holy Grail and J's Seafood. After Northern Kentucky's Oldenberg Brewery went out of business and closed its brewpub in Corryville, Holy Grail reopened August 2004 as a UC sports bar/restaurant. The other two no longer exist.

2. Do the Time Warp Again: Best Concert
Readers pick for Best Concert in 1996: Smashing Pumpkins at Riverfront Coliseum.

3. Gone but Not Forgotten
People in the arts recognized with a staff or readers pick who later left Greater Cincinnati for greener pastures: comedian Roger Naylor, dancer Shawn Womack, artist Craig Britton, art gallery owner Mary Ran O'Connell, actress Marni Penning and members of A Cappella singing group Voice Box.

4. Public Servants
The readers pick for Best Cincinnati City Council Member and Best Reason to Be Proud of Council: Roxanne Qualls. Their pick for Best Reason to Be Ashamed of Council: Charles Winburn.

5. Can't Forget Marge
Then-Reds owner Marge Schott was all over the 1997 Best of Cincinnati issue, including this staff pick: 'Best Evidence the Gene Pool Is Awfully Shallow in Ohio - Marge Schott for her Opening Day blunder. After the death of umpire John McSherry, she griped, "Why are they calling the game? Why can't they play with just two umpires?''

6. Categories RIP
In that first Best of Cincinnati, we threw out a few categories to the readers that didn't take hold over the years - too few options, too little knowledge, we came to our senses the next year, etc. Readers pick categories you no longer can vote for, and who won: Best Concert Series (Cincinnati Zoo's 'Jazzoo'); Best Hollywood Star With Local Roots (Sarah Jessica Parker); Best Topless Bar (Rumors, Mount Carmel); Best Music Critic (Rick Bird, Cincinnati Post); Best Post Office Branch (Mount Washington); Best Condom Selection (The Cupboard, Corryville); Best Place to Meet Women (Joseph-Beth Booksellers); Best Animal Lover (Thane Maynard, Cincinnati Zoo); Best Cyclones Player (Scott Thomas); Best Cheap Hotel Room (Red Roof Inn, multiple locations); and Best Store Name (Hemptations, then-Mount Lookout).

7. Great Line
One of our favorite writeups was for Best Place to Buy a Knot, which came after Best Place to Tie the Knot about places to get married: 'The Thing Shop in Newport. Not for the faint of heart. Enough leather and chains to pull your car through a snowstorm.'

8. Someone Listens to Us
By March 1997, when the first Best of Cincinnati issue hit the streets, Hamilton County voters had passed the sales tax increase to fund new stadiums for the Reds and the Bengals - now it was time to build the damned things. Our staff picks featured two Jocks items about the stadiums: Best Name for the New Baseball Stadium (Broadway Commons, which was not to be) and Best Name for the New Football Stadium (Paul Brown Stadium). Here's what we said: 'Let's not put all this taxpayer and fan money into the Bengals' new stadium and then name it for some politician or corporation. Why not name it for the man most responsible for a pro-football tradition in Cincinnati?'

9. How Far We've Come
Listen to this staff pick category - Best Place for Free Internet Access. Can you believe coffeeshops and such used to charge customers for using their computer? Sitwell's in Clifton was singled out for its free access and a 'free Internet course at 7 p.m. on Mondays to help you get where you want to on the Web.

Probably on a 32-meg Radio Shack PC.

10. More Blasts from the Past
In a feature story in the Stuff section - for some reason we now call it Goods & Services - we did a round-up of cool places to find all different kinds of magazines and newspapers. Besides the overall winner, Joseph-Beth, and other notable bookstores, we saluted dearly departed Wizard Records & Tapes in Corryville (for Best Selection of Weird Stuff) and King's News downtown (for Best Selection of Porn). The Contemporary Arts Center now sits where that porn bookshop used to be - kind of fitting.

Smart Picks Over the Years

1. Best New Restaurant - Lemon Grass, Hyde Park (readers, 1997)

2. Best Example of Damning With Faint Praise - 'Despite conservative City Councilman Phil Heimlich's politics, policies and performance, his liberal activist parents haven't yet been shamed into leaving town.' (staff, 1997)

3. Best Evidence That George Clooney Is Way, Way Overexposed - 'We could mention the Vanity Fair cover or the numerous talk show appearances. But the saddest commentary comes from our Lexis-Nexis search that shows 490 individual mentions of George in The Enquirer alone last year. God help us when Batman and Robin opens.' (staff, 1997)

4. Best New Restaurant - Nicholson's, Downtown (readers, 1998)

5. Best New Arts Program - 'Business Volunteers for the Arts. Here's solid proof that money isn't everything, even in the arts. Heather Hallenberg and the Institute of Fine Arts made Cincinnati the 30th city with a BVA program, offering professional and administrative support to small arts organizations. They're staying busy, so it must be working.' (staff, 1998)

6. Best New Store - Tiffany & Co., Downtown (readers, 1998)

7. Best New Restaurant - Palomino, Downtown (readers, 1999)

8. Best Resurgence of a Venue - 'Southgate House, suddenly coming into a renaissance.
A stunning comeback for a club that sometimes languished in obscurity and has come close to the wrecking ball due to Newport's riverfront redevelopment.' (staff, 1999)

9. Best Pathetic Trend - 'The naming of Cincinnati landmarks after whomever's the highest bidder. The Firstar Center. Cinergy Field. And now talk of removing Dr. Albert Sabin's name from the Cincinnati Convention Center in favor of some corporation with a spare million or two. Can the Procter & Gamble River be too far off?' (Note: Firstar Center is now U.S. Bank Arena, Cinergy Field is now Great American Ball Park and the convention center is now Cinergy Center. The Ohio River still has its name.) (staff, 1999)

10. Best Art Pocket - 'The little village of artists at the new Brighton enclave just off of Central Parkway. Studios and galleries are patched in around Pat Rennick's glistening geodesic sculpture like chicks around a mother hen. It's art on the march.' (staff, 2000)

Obscure Scenic Views in Greater Cincinnati

1. The Anderson Ferry
River Road (Rt. 50) at Anderson Ferry Road, Riverside
This historic ferry takes passengers from the West Side to Northern Kentucky and back again all day long. It costs $3.25 for each car or 50 cents for foot passengers. It's a slow, scenic trip from one side to the other, eventually.

2. Boal/Milton Play Area
300 block of Boal Street, Liberty Hill
This narrow patch of green is nestled between Milton and Boal streets and affords a panoramic view of the city with a sprawling field of 19th-century rowhouses in the foreground.

3. The Oregon Street Steps
Monastery and Oregon streets, Mount Adams
The steps, sullied by trash and crimped between rows of houses, delivers a creepy, post-apocalyptic view of Cincinnati. The city slowly emerges as you descend and downtown's backyard opens like a rusty flower.

4. Bellevue Hill Park's Bluff
2191 Ohio Ave., Clifton Heights
This park was once home to the Bellevue House and Incline, an exclusive resort and brothel. If you head toward the city overlook and move to the extreme right of the fence, you'll find a break you can climb over and explore the edge of the bluff, nestled several stories above Clifton Avenue, providing a stunning view of Cincinnati and a secret hideaway for local lovers. Be careful - it's a long way down and there's no guard rail.

5. Beneath the I-471 Bridge at Sawyer Point
801 E. Pete Rose Way at Eggleston, Downtown
You can easily work your way down a small hill on either side of the base of the Big Mac Bridge. On the river's edge you'll find a narrow ledge dubbed 'The Phoenix Nest' by a local graffiti artist. It's a private, panoramic view of the river at water level.

6. Cincinnati Christian University Campus
2700 Glenway Ave., Price Hill, 513-244-8100
Near the peak of Price Hill, this college campus offers a Westsider's perspective on the city. A stone patio and park benches make for a serene hideaway.

7. The 16th Floor of the Times-Star Building
800 Broadway St., Downtown
This ornate 1930s newspaper building practically defines art deco and has a 360-degree view of Cincinnati on its top floor. This is the Hamilton County Administration building, so you might want to let them know what you're doing Ñ though if you play it cagey, you'll be rewarded with solitude.

8. Riverview Revolving Restaurant
668 W. Fifth St., Covington, 859-491-5300
This one, of course, isn't obscure at all, but it's really underrated among locals. It's a slow-moving carousel atop the Radisson Hotel, providing 360 degrees of views from your dining table (along with an excellent meal).

9. Western Hills Viaduct
Located at the bottom of West McMillan Street at Central Parkway
The double-decker viaduct is a main artery between the West Side and the rest of the city. Its south side has a sidewalk and nice distance views of the West End and the huge railyard below. Looking over the side at the drop Ñ more than five stories Ñ might give you a touch of vertigo.

10. Baba Budan's Bearcat Cafe
239 W. McMillan St., Clifton Heights, 513-221-1911
This non-smoking coffeehouse offers light food, alcohol and a killer streetside view. It looks like the cars coming up Clifton Avenue will run right into you Ñ and, you know, it is Uptown, so they just might.

Things on Two (People-Powered) Wheels in Greater Cincinnati

1. Alley Cat Races
www.flyingpigcourier.com/Alleycat.htm
Alley Cats are bicycle scavenger hunt races through Cincinnati's urban core. There's information about upcoming races on the Web site and video (some set to music) of past races.

2. The Loveland Trail
www.lovelandbiketrail.com
The trail is actually just a 70-mile part of the Ohio Trail, which stretches 294 miles from the Ohio River in Cincinnati all the way to the shore of Lake Erie in Cleveland. The trail is mostly complete, composed of flat, paved-over train tracks, though there's some road riding involved.

3. Free Air at Campus Cycle & Supply
241 W. McMillan St., Clifton Heights, 513-721-6628
This UC area bike shop has an air nozzle that dispenses free air all year long, except in extremely cold weather. One person even managed to get their car up next to the building on the sidewalk to use the pump, though the shop owners say they prefer to avoid a repeat.

4. The Alleys of Downtown Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky
Various locations throughout the urban core
Downtown's alleyways are the perfect, if bumpy, way to avoid traffic. Seldom used by cars because of the narrow clearance on either side, the alleys provide a unique view of urban backyards, backdoors and the seedy underbelly of city life.

5. The City of Cincinnati's Bicycle Transportation Program
www.cincinnati-oh.gov/transeng/pages/-6807-
Locally, more than 230 miles of road are designated for bicycle use Ñ meaning that the roads are built with a wider shoulder to accommodate bikes. This Web site features maps of suggested routes with low-grade hills that won't burn you out as you climb.

6. Metro Bus Rack and Ride
www.sorta.com
All Metro buses in Cincinnati are outfitted with easy-to-use bike racks and can hold two bikes per bus. It's a great way to extend the range of two-wheeled excursions.

7. Mountain Biking in Caesar Creek State Park
8570 E. State Rt. 73, Waynesville, 513-897-3055
1.5- to 6.5-mile mountain biking trails are open for rides with varying degrees of difficulty. You can bring your own bike or rent one at the park. There's even a swimming lake to cool you off after a long, hot ride.

8. Cincinnati Cycle Club
www.cincinnaticycleclub.org
Since the 19th century, the CCC has promoted bicycle recreation, health and safety and helped riders develop friendships. It's a great way to find out about local rides, races and tours or even find a used bike on the cheap.

9. Cincinnati Critical Mass Rides
www.cincycriticalmass.org
These rides are an activist-oriented ride and a demonstrative dissent from local car culture. Riders meet at 5:30 p.m. at Fountain Square on the last Friday of every month and start riding at 6 p.m.

10. Queen City Wheels
www.qcw.org
This urban road bike group promotes races and group rides throughout the area.

Free Wireless Hotspots

1. Cincinnati Museum Center
Union Terminal, 1301 Western Ave., Queensgate, 513-287-7000
So cool! An art deco train station with a science museum, the center features free WiFi in the Grand Rotunda, the Cincinnati Dining Room, the Losantivi cafe, the Rookwood Ice Cream Parlor and the Fountain Plaza. If it weren't for your laptop, you'd feel like you're in the roaring '20s.

2. Hyde Park Square
Public square in the 2700 block of Erie Avenue, Hyde Park
Located among many shops and restaurants, this quarter-acre of urban green space provides visitors with a quaint, small-town setting with park benches, gaslights and the gurgling charm of the Kilgour fountain.

3. Kaldi's
1204 Main St., Over-the-Rhine, 513-241-3070
Kaldi's (and most of the surrounding Main Street business district) gets free WiFi through Lily Pad, a nonprofit service that provides hot spots throughout the city. While you're there you can pick up a used book and an Irish Coffee.

4. Sitwell's
324 Ludlow Ave., Clifton, 513-281-7487
An oasis for the hip at the heart of Clifton's Gaslight District, Sitwell's is a completely non-smoking bar and restaurant that offers guests free WiFi and a beatnik vibe to surf in as well as a computer terminal for $3 per hour.

5. Cincinnati Art Museum
953 Eden Park Drive, Mount Adams, 513-639-2995
Enjoy some Impressionist works while you surf in the museum's Terrace Cafe and Alice Bimel Courtyard.

6. Bar Louie
Newport on the Levee, Newport, 859-491-2337
This swank martini lounge offers free WiFi with a scenic view of downtown Cincinnati from the other side of the river.

7. Jacob's on the Avenue
4029 Hamilton Ave., Northside, 513-591-2100
Dance 'til you drop at this gem, featuring wireless and a computer terminal that's free to patrons.

8. Brew House
1047 E. McMillan St., Walnut Hills, 513-961-9058
This divey little juke joint attracts a wide variety of clientele and provides WiFi and a free terminal for patrons.

9. City View Tavern
403 Oregon St., Mount Adams, 513-241-8439
As a hole-in-the-wall kind of bar, the City View is atypical of Mount Adams. You can IM your friends while enjoying low-cost drinks and sandwiches as well as a stunning view of the city.

10. Tri-County Mall
11700 Princeton Pike, Springdale, 513-671-0120
Located just off of I-75 and I-275, this sprawling mega-mall provides free WiFi throughout, so sit down, surf the Web and watch the mall walkers go by.

"Kiss of Death' Readers Picks

1. Best Dance Club - Warehouse, Over-the-Rhine (1997)

2. Best TV Personality - Norma Rashid, Channel 5 (1997)

3. Best Vegetarian - Mullane's, Downtown (1997-2004)

4. Best Pizza - No Anchovies, Clifton (1998)

5. Best Street Festival - Jammin' on Main (1998-99)

6. Best Shoe Shop and Best Vintage Clothing Store - Avalon, Clifton Heights (1998)

7. Best Coach - (Tie) UC's Bob Huggins and Xavier's Skip Prosser (1998)

8. Best New Store - The Water Place, Clifton (1999)

9. Best Brewpub - BarrelHouse, Over-the-Rhine (1999-2005)

10. Best Splurge - The Maisonette, Downtown (2000-03)