Song, Sung, Blew
Everyone has a favorite place to sing karaoke, but consider these alternative choices
By Rodger Pille
It's been said that when it comes to karaoke there are two types of people: those who love it and those who lie.
There must be something to that, because a quick perusal of CityBeat's recent Swizzle bar guide (issue of Feb. 22-28 and online at citybeat.com) turns up instance after instance of favorite local bars adding a karaoke night. When archeologists uncover our ruins thousands of years from now, will they find many of our remains with a cocktail in one hand and a microphone in the other? Will they conclude that the early 21st century was indeed the Golden Age of Karaoke?
OK, maybe not. But the proof is in the pudding. Loads of Greater Cincinnati watering holes are turning to the much-maligned bar sport to pack 'em in on traditionally slow nights or when booking a band isn't cost effective.
But sorting through the pickings to find a truly alternative karaoke stop is the challenge. Any given bar could have "good" karaoke depending on the level of talent that happens to be there that night, the diversity of performances, the attentive vibe of the crowd, etc. So CityBeat set out not to comprehensively judge the best karaoke in the city but to find the weird ones, the venues that separate themselves from the masses in any number of ways.
You could go to just about any karaoke bar to see a lady sing an Alanis Morissette grrl-power anthem. But where do you go to see a guy in drag do that (and better than Alanis)? What karaoke night has a DJ who actually doesn't encourage singers to sign up? How do you satisfy your need to sing and your itching desire to bowl a frame on the same night?
As always, we got ya covered. See the info box for addresses, phone numbers and big nights.
Most Efficiently Run Karaoke in the City: Lebo's
Word travels fast in the karaoke community. So a great place to sing isn't kept secret very long. That's not a bad thing, except that it does produce some serious backlog when you submit your night's request. Will you be next or 20 songs from now? Some mental giant around Kellogg Avenue figured out a brilliant system to remove all guesswork - when you submit your song sheet, you're given a number. Then you just watch the counter above the stage to see when your number is coming close. How great is that? (Unfortunately, my joke about how I didn't actually want to sing but just wanted a pound of bologna didn't go over very well.)
Best Chance to Watch a Pro: Hamburger Mary's
Part of the appeal of most karaoke is how endearingly bad some singers can be. Maryoke sometimes goes to the far other extreme. Quite frequently, the touring cast from whatever Broadway show is in town will come to Hamburger Mary's after their shows for a drink and to rip out a tune in their songbook. The performances are often amazing and, even better, free. Just be forewarned: You're sometimes called on to follow them. My workable Duran Duran rendition suddenly paled after hearing The Lion King's Simba absolutely kill with a Toni Braxton belt-out.
Best Chance to Catch a Rising Star: Jacob's on the Avenue
Don't let the youthful college look of the crowd fool you. Chances are, on any given karaoke night in Northside, you'll be watching an up-and-coming musical star from one of the area's acclaimed theater schools. After Sondheim tunes and Gilbert & Sullivan arias, it's great to see the kids let their hair down and sing something that thrills them.
Best Karaoke Night for a Bullrider: Bobby Mackey's
Where else? The town's pre-eminent Country bar offers limited karaoke between sets of the house band on Friday and Saturday nights. Honestly, this is the only bar where singing "Save a Horse/Ride a Cowboy" makes sense.
Best Bar to Sing with My Dad: Tostado's Grill
Unlike many of the alternative selections herein, Tostado's has a palpable multi-generational appeal. And thus there are a lot of retirees like my pop who use the venue as a chance to relive their Bobby Darin days. And the sad truth is, Dad sings him so much better than I ever will.
Best Place to Sing While the Sun Is Shining: The Poison Room
Why had no one thought of this before? Karaoke nights are popular, and everyone loves happy hour - just combine the two and you got something better than chocolate and peanut butter. And The Poison Room is just the place. Endlessly hip, yet comfortable and inviting, it's the cubicle dweller's salvation on a Thursday or Friday evening. Grab a $3 Guinness, request some Fall Out Boy and let the stress of the day melt away. Major bonus points for some entertaining regulars with attitude. One recent song introduction: "This one goes out those tie-wearing, DeWine-fund-raising honkies over there in the corner. I'm a working man, damn it."
Most Thespian Friendly: (tie) Hamburger Mary's and Jacob's on the Avenue
Both cater to the theatrical crowd, and that can only be good for their karaoke quality. Way too many karaoke nights sound more like the first week of American Idol than anyone cares to admit. Where is that pompous Brit to edit these pretenders? And why put yourself through that? Just go to the places where the trained singers are and enjoy the sounds. It's a novel concept, I know.
Best Place to be a Voyeur: Muggbee's
Being a neighborhood bar, everyone in the place really feels comfortable around each other, including the couple on the dance floor who took my recent rendition of "Let's Get It On" quite literally. I hadn't seen someone get to second base on the dance floor since prom. It was glorious.
Best Bar to Sing (but Not Necessarily Hear) Karaoke: Tostado's Grill
The wait between songs is almost nil, mostly because the bar is fairly small. And the ratio of curious onlookers to singers is pretty high. That also helps the "no pressure" vibe in the joint. Everyone feels welcome to sing. But that can sometimes mean near-eternities between on-key singers. Whoever said "if you'd can't sing good, sing loud" spent some time at Tostado's. No worries. Consider it your minor league assignment before you're ready for The Show.
Least Encouraging Karaoke: Muggbee's
The downside to having your house DJ also do karaoke night is that his heart might not seem in it. On a recent visit, Muggbee's DJ was more interested in thumping the bass than spinning songs "in the style of Elvis." Take his bar-wide announcement to commence the evening: "Karaoke starts now, if anyone cares." After a string of really packed karaoke-freak hangouts, there's something refreshing about the cavalier attitude at Muggbee's.
Most Unusual Setting for Karaoke: Pirate's Den
Place used to be a pirate ship, for cryin' out loud. It doesn't get weirder than that. Well, except until you walk in. With enough roadhouse appeal to make Patrick Swayze comfortable, the Pirate's Den is the singular best place to rip out a Doors tune, channeling your inner Morrison. Don't worry: The crowd (when not brawling) will love you for it.
Best Place to Be Someone Else, Intentionally or Not: Hamburger Mary's
Between the occasional drag queen, the regulars who never use their real name when singing and the psuedo-celebrity look-alikes that just tend to end up there, Mary's is all about identity theft on Maryoke night. And that's just fine with patrons. So on your next visit, develop your karaoke stage name (see handy sidebar) and say hello to all the Marys, Charley Wykehams (aka me), Billy Idols and Nelson Mandelas on your way to the stage.
Most Up-to-Date Selection: The Poison Room
Most karaoke DJs' idea of being relevant is having "Word Up." Not Sean Hafer (of Karaoke Fantastic), who runs karaoke at The Poison Room as well as the Southgate House, The Comet, alchemize and other hipster karaoke nights around town. His idea of being up to date isn't just having songs from Coldplay's first album - the dude has "Fix You."
Best Stop for Passion Double-Dipping: (tie) Bobby Mackey's and Western Bowl/Cantina Bar
You're one of those Renaissance men they used to talk so much about. You like to sing, but you have other passions too. Like bowling. Or bull-riding. How, oh how, do you get your cake and eat it too? Easy. Karaoke nights at Bobby Mackey's or Western Bowl's adjacent bar, The Cantina. So stop worrying about which "you" you'll be that night. Be complete, at last.
Most Attentive Audiences: (tie) Hamburger Mary's and Lebo's
For the karaoke addict, the best places to sing are inclusive. All walks of life and all genres of music are welcome and supported. People vocally encourage, applaud and (best of all) dance. Unless you've spent some time fronting a band, you have no idea how cool it is seeing people dance to your musical contribution to the universe. (And that said, I want to personally thank the young thang who created an interpretative dance to my Pearl Jam cover the other weekend at Lebo's. That was something.)
Best Place to Buy a Pack of Smokes while Singing: Muggbee's
I just love this technical set-up. You look up your song title/number on what appears to be a 1988 IBM computer (instead of those big song binders that most places have). You get your lyrics from a monitor sitting atop a cigarette machine on the corner of the dance floor and pointed away from the crowd. You literally could buy yourself a pack while you're singing Sinatra, if only the mic cord were a couple feet longer.
Best Place to Get Your Fix (Almost) Any Night of the Week: Lebo's
Who knows when the itch will strike? You could be drinking with the boys at the local sports bar on a Tuesday night when suddenly - bam! - you just have to sing some Neil Diamond. It happens, trust me. Where do you go? Lebo's. They got karaoke down to something of a science, and they offer it every single night of the week except Monday. (They need one night for the line-dancing crowd.)
Best Place to Bust Out Tom Jones: Hamburger Mary's
Thanks for the underwear, y'all.
Picking Your Karaoke Stage Name
It often helps the wary karaoke participant to have some level of anonymity before taking the stage. It's understandable and often encouraged that performers take a pseudonym. (It sometimes entertains the crowd, too, before you ever have to sing a note.)
So choose wisely. Some of you already have your nom-de-plume figured out - I use my character name from whatever show I'm rehearsing at the time. Others need suggestions.
We've all played the porn star game - your first name is the name of your favorite pet as a child, and your last name is the street you grew up on. Might I suggest a handy-dandy formula for crafting your karaoke stage name?
Take the first name of your favorite singer. (This is, after all, who you most want to channel when you start belting). Then, for your last name, chose one of the following:
• Your favorite adverb (i.e. "Swimmingly")
• Any ingredient in your drink of choice (i.e. "Kahlua")
• Or your favorite president's last name (i.e. "Coolidge")
Once you have your name figured out and your song request in, the only thing you have to remember is what name to listen for after a few "courage cocktails."
- RODGER PILLE
Sing 'Em If You Got 'Em
Hamburger Mary's
819 Vine St., Downtown, 513-381-MARY
Karaoke Night: Thursdays
Lebo's
5869 Kellogg Ave., California, 513-232-1763
Karaoke Nights: Tuesdays-Sundays
Jacob's on the Avenue
4029 Hamilton Ave., Northside, 513-591-2100
Karaoke Night: Wednesdays and Sundays
Muggbee's
8405 Hwy. 42, Florence, 859-371-9766
Karaoke Night: Mondays
The Pirate's Den
1935 Anderson Ferry Road, Covedale, 513-922-3898
Karaoke Night: Fridays
Tostado's
3500 Eastern Ave., East End, 513-871-0212
Karaoke Night: Fridays
Western Bowl/The Cantina
6383 Glenway Ave., Bridgetown, 513-574-2222
Karaoke Night: Thursdays
Bobby Mackey's
44 Licking Pike, Wilder, 859-431-5588
Karaoke Night: Fridays and Saturdays between live bands The Poison Room
301 W. Fifth St., Downtown, 513-333-0010
Karaoke Night: Thursdays and Fridays (happy hours) |
