Sunday Night Quarterbacks
The best of the local Sunday night TV sports programs
BY MIKE BREEN
Today you can get all of your info about sports the very second anything happens. From ESPN's around-the-clock reporting to sports talk radio shows and online coverage, the moment your favorite team hires a new coach, wins a big game, overlooks steroid abuse, has one of their star players arrested or goes on a "sex cruise," you'll know about it.
This constant and quick reporting has all but destroyed sports' role on evening and nightly local news broadcasts. Once the hub of information for all sports, network newscasts now focus mainly on items of local interest (thus the overkill coverage of high school sports), and the time allotted to sports is down to a mere four or five minutes per broadcast.
But Sunday night is a haven for those thirsty for sports news and analysis with a local bent. Each of the main networks hosts a sports program following their Sunday night news, and each show has its own personality. They cater to different audiences, from the attention-span-challenged to those who like deeper discussions and all types in between.
In the name of intense research, I recently viewed all four programs for two episodes each, compiling stats and scouting out who does what best. What you will enjoy depends on your own tastes, but our "Final Score" offers a completely scientific analysis (if by scientific you mean totally subjective), ranking each show from 1 to 110, with 110 being the highest score possible.
Because everyone knows giving 110 percent is the ultimate sports achievement.
Sports of All Sorts
(11:35 p.m.; WCPO Channel 9)
The game plan: The veteran of the bunch, SOAS has been on the air for more than two decades. Not only is it the longest-running, it's also the longest; while the other shows run a half hour and necessitate an often ridiculously fast tempo, SOAS lasts an hour and puts less emphasis on highlights and quips. While admirable in its willingness to cover sports that don't get as much attention, the show can be a bore on occasion, especially for fans who aren't necessarily interested in sports of all sorts. The show recently spent 45 minutes discussing minor league hockey in the 'Nati.
The starting lineup: No tag-team here. Founder and sole host John "Popo" Popovich is the Charlie Rose of the local sports world, providing well-researched, insightful interviews no matter who he's talking to.
Pinch hitters: Sportscasting hotties Katherine Nero and Paula Faris used to sit in, but they've both switched beats, so it's been all-Popo for a while. Recent guests have included officials from the upstart RailRaiders hockey franchise, a rep from Turfway Park, former Xavier player Ralph Lee and former Bearcats star Terry Nelson.
What the name says about the show: "Aw shucks, we're just a few guys hangin' out on the porch yakin' about sports."
Pace: Like a 14-inning, 2-2 pitchers' duel.
The set: Ugly, but dazzlingly ugly. Is that purple and maroon? And there appears to be some kind of scaffolding randomly placed in the background.
For those who: Don't need their sports information NOW, NOW, NOW!
Quote: "You're a patient man, Popo" - Terry Nelson, after Popovich had to cut off a phone call from an older viewer who tried to go into a lengthy sermon about the political history of local colleges.
Overt shill: The show's official name is Beechmont Ford Sports of All Sorts.
Strong suit: Versatility and the ability to delve into topics deeper than most.
Weak suit: Maybe there's a reason some sports don't get a lot of attention.
What I learned from the show: Despite the limited draw of both, Mighty Ducks fans and Cyclones fans hated each other. Which seems kind of like saying Jessica Simpson is a musical genius but Britney Spears is a total hack.
Final score: 90
Tristate Chevy Dealers Sports Rock
(11:35 p.m.; WLWT Channel 5)
The game plan: The "rookie" of the bunch, the NBC affiliate's entry into sports talk is also the speediest. Going after a younger audience, the show thrives on quick, off-handed remarks and tries to be a little more Rock & Roll. But sometimes it feels a bit forced, like when Dad gets his ear pierced. The show has a good mix of local sports pundits, highlights and little gimmick segments like the weekly "Did You See This?" piece, which features a weird and wacky highlight (like a hockey player bashing another player on the head with his own helmet). As if to really, really show that they're "extreme," they use a 15-second countdown clock for certain topics, which ends with a whistle-blow when it's time to move on.
The starting lineup: Co-hosts and veteran Channel 5 sportscasters Ken Broo and George Vogel.
Pinch hitters: Recent guests have included the always-solid Eric "E.T." Thomas and Wayne "Box" Miller from The Buzz, Ÿber-sportsguys Jeff Piecoro and Wildman Walker and bengals.com's Geoff Hobson.
What the name says about the show: "The station wouldn't give us a big enough budget, so we sold naming rights."
Pace: 50-yard dash.
The set: The rec room of the richest Circuit City employee in town (lots of TVs!) who also has the biggest bobblehead collection going.
For those who: Drink 14 cups of coffee right before they go to bed on Sundays.
Quote: "(Barry) Bonds did everything but shoot himself up with Chewbacca hormones." - George "Judge/Jury/Executioner" Vogel
Overt shill: Uh, did you read the name of the show?
Strong suit: A really good mix of guests and often the most humorous of all Sunday shows (except Family Guy).
Weak suit: The countdown clock is such an idle threat. Make it really count and open trap doors under any guest who goes over the time limit. Maybe some alligators or sharks? Now that will get you your 18-35 demo.
What I learned from the show: According to Hobson, beleaguered Steelers backup quarterback Tommy Maddox (rumored to be a consideration for Jon Kitna's job) is about as good as Johnny Unitas. That is, Johnny Unitas today, six feet underground.
Final score: 85
Sports Authority
(11:35 p.m.; WKRC Channel 12)
The game plane: A mix of extended highlights, interviews and roundtable chats, Sports Authority is fairly generic, operating more as a simple extension of the usual sportscast. Nothing flashy, but they scored a satellite interview with Syracuse coach/Bearcats' MHP (Most Hated Person) Jim Boeheim on Selection Sunday. The uptempo "Who Asked You?" segment, featuring a couple of guests ruminating over current happenings, is the best feature.
The starting lineup: Sportscasters Harvey Smilovitz and Brad Johansen.
Pinch hitters: Guest talking heads include Richard Skinner from 1360 Homer and Steve Wolf from Fox Sports Net.
What the name says about the show: "Broo? Hoard? Popo? All idiots."
Pace: Fast break.
The set: Typical Channel 12 anchor look, with roundtables conducted on a cheap auxiliary set. Stark.
For those who: Like to fall asleep to the regular nightly sportscast but have trouble on Sundays and need a little more time.
Quote: "We gotta move, we gotta move" and "Move it, move it, move it" - both from Johansen during the "Who Asked You?" feature. Hey, maybe Sports Rock has a countdown clock they can sell you.
Overt shill: Unless we missed it, nothing overt.
Strong suit: Johansen, who is criminally under-used. Smily is decent (and, boy, does he smile a lot), but Johansen - one of the best in the biz - should fly solo.
Weak suit: The people are good, but the show's production is limp and the rundown only rarely holds your attention long enough to keep you from reaching for the remote.
What I learned from the show: Jim Boeheim will talk to anyone.
Final score: 75
Sports Wrap
(10:30 p.m.; WXIX Channel 19)
The game plane: Dan Hoard is the best sportscaster in Cincinnati, so anything featuring him gets automatic bonus points. Alas, Hoard - who should have gotten the Reds radio job - is off to New England to call Triple A baseball. So that, for now, leaves fellow "Bald Guy" (as they defiantly call themselves) Brian Giesenschlag, who still has that "just out of broadcasting school" new-guy smell but shows promise. Sadly wasting Hoard's great sports mind, Sports Wrap is primarily a highlights show (with a few longer feature segments), but Hoard and Giesenschlag's good humor makes it more endearing than it deserves to be. The show also airs on Saturdays at 10:30 p.m.
The starting lineup: Hoard and Giesenschlag (who should legally change his name to "Geezy").
Pinch hitters: No guests.
What the name says about the show: "We needed a name really fast, and this is what we came up with."
Pace: A perfectly placed breaking ball.
The set: Dark anchor set with a space-agey twinkle.
For those who: Want a little laugh with their sports insight.
Quote: "That's right, this is our real hair" - Hoard, after the duo's weekly pronouncement that they are, indeed, "The Bald Guys"
Overt shill: Fittingly, Carstar Quality Collision Service sponsors the "Collision of the Week" highlight.
Strong suit: Did we mention Dan Hoard left? His great wit, descriptive, clever prose and expansive knowledge will be missed.
Weak suit: More creativity would be nice. The sports team at Fox 19 is probably best suited for the pundit discussions the other stations (and ESPN) utilize. Highlight shows are easy but a dime a dozen.
What I learned from the show: The Reds' Wily Mo Pena can hit a baseball 900 miles (source: Austin Kearns).
Final score: 80
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