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The Great Chili Adventure Skyline fiends take CityBeat along for a ratings tour of the food most identified with Cincinnati By Mike Breen
With that kind of dominance in the polls, we decided to dig within the organization to see how the individual Skyline parlors stack up against each other. And we happened on just the right guys to do it. Kyle Garner, who works at P&G and appeared on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, and Scott Cunningham, a copywriter who sings and plays bass for local band Promenade, hatched the idea for the "Great Chili Adventure" around New Year's Day 2000. As some friends discussed hitting the usual Skyline for a nightcap, they asked each other why they always favored the same location. From there it snowballed into a very elaborate, very non-scientific ratings system, focused on as many of the different outlets the two could muster. These kind of "schemes" from Garner and Cunningham have often resulted in Web sites. The two are responsible for ihatecapripants.com, an anti-tribute to those weirdly popular short-long pants, and skanksgiving.com, where Leon Phelps of the Saturday Night Live sketch "The Ladies Man" meets Turkey Day. The domain name for greatchiliadventure.com, which will feature Cunningham's and Garner's findings, is reserved and scheduled to be up and running later this year. Cunningham and Garner have hit about a dozen Skylines so far, rating (on a 5-point scale) everything from food presentation and facility decorations to bathroom cleanliness and waitstaff friendliness. Armed with the duo's elaborate rating sheets, CityBeat tagged along for a few visits and is proud to present the first excerpts of "The Great Chili Adventure." The food from place to place varies very little - all of the chili for Skylines are shipped out from one location - but make or break categories like cleanliness, view and the all-important order accuracy and flexibility (gauged by whether Cunningham's mustard-on-the-four-way request is successful) count heavily. Remember, Skyline:
This is an unscientific and subjective experiment. And look
out, Gold Star: You could be next. CLIFTON (290 Ludlow Ave.) Facility Building: Corner of apartment building Era: 1950s/'60s, remodeled inside (1980s) Technology: Low-tech ordering (yelling out orders), but digital receipt Decoration: 3.5; wall of mirrors; celebrity photos; usual brick; '80s wallpaper; Tall Stacks posters; lots of awards Cleanliness: 3.5 View: 4; wall of windows; overlooks Ludlow (good people watching)
Bathroom Cleanliness: 3; plenty of urine on the floor Size: 4; separate toilet and urinal Hand wash/dry: 3; air-dry only (bad); anti-bacterial soap (dispenser intact); sink clean; water got very hot Entry and exit: Pull to exit with two hands (bad); no handle turn
Facility Overall 3.75
Service Flexibility: 5; mustard on the three-way Promptness/Speed: 4; quick, but missed the third person in the party; forks directly on the table (instead of propped up against cracker bowl or on top of napkins) Friendliness: 5; way friendly (a bit nosey) Refills: 3; yes, but a little slow; quit before job was done, but eventually came back
Service Overall: 4
Food Taste: 4; fine; non-menu chilito was excellent Presentation: 4; colorful burrito; nice four-way with jumbo plate back-up; sloppy chilito keeps it from a 5 rating Temperature: 5; hot, hot, hot Order accuracy: 5; passed the mustard test
Food Overall: 4.5
OTHER Menu extras: None Other extras: Coat hangers; chips Parking access: 5; manned parking lot in tough-to-find-parking Clifton Drive-thru: No Uniforms: Yes; red shirts, black pants (UC influence?) Napkins at table: Yes Hot sauce: Yes; plastic bottle Candy showcase: Yes; limited, with mints and gum only York Peppermints: Yes Gumball machine: No Dessert showcase: No Credit cards: No Blue straws: Yes, new transparent ones
Other comments: Free validated parking. Awarded "Best Classic Chili Parlor" from Cincinnati Magazine (who?). Waitress almost busted us; Scott almost confesses, Kyle saves the day, calling the rating card a job application. Old-school order lingo. Faint music. Toothpicks in a parmesan cheese dispenser.
Overall Rating: 4
PRICE HILL (3822 Glenway Ave.) Facility Building: Not a plaza, not stand-alone; a duplex of sorts Era: The original Skyline, 1949 Technology: Top notch; computers at server stations and steam tables Decoration: 2; vanilla walls; early '80s redecoration; too "Ma's kitchen," not "diner" enough; huge photo on the wall from early days Cleanliness: 3; stuff on the floor View: 1; storefront across the street
BATHROOM Cleanliness: 1.5; some sort of toilet stain; sink not very clean; sticker from the band Hole on seat lid; inconsistent signage on the doors: "Gentlemen" and "Women" (instead of "Ladies") Size: 1; one toilet, one sink Hand wash/dry: 2; paper towel dispenser empty (towels on air-dryer); soap dispenser open on top Entry and exit: 3; broken handle; able to push door to exit
Facility Overall: 2.5
Service Flexibility: 5; mustard on the two-way Promptness/speed: 5; everything quick Friendliness: 4; triple-teamed; many "everything all right?" questions Refills: 3.5; initial refill not prompt, but thereafter overwhelmingly good; to-go cup offered
Service Overall: 4.5 Food Taste: 4.5; tasty; not juicy (fairly dry) but OK; mustard light; cheese exceptionally tasty Presentation: 4; chilito folded funny and back end fell out, but it was the cook's first chilito Temperature: 3.5 Order accuracy: 5
Food Overall: 4
Other Menu extras: Kids 10 and under eat free 4-9 p.m. Wednesdays Other extras: None Parking access: 4; a huge lot; some street parking Drive-thru: No Uniforms: Yes; blue knit shirt Napkins at table: No (but brought a stack) Hot sauce: Yes; plastic bottle Candy showcase: No York Peppermints: Yes Gumball machine: Yes; part of a candy/novelty machine "wall" Dessert showcase: Yes; Good Humor ice cream Credit cards: Yes Blue straws: Yes; clear ones
Other comments: Potato chip showcase. Little cookie case. CDs for sale. Oldies on the radio. Plastic salt and pepper shakers. Free bowling cards offered at register.
Overall Rating: 3.5
FOURTH AND SYCAMORE (254 E. Fourth St., Downtown) Facility Building: Southeast corner of ChemEd building Era: 1990s; modern Technology: Highest Decoration: 4; blue solid wallpaper; striking wood and metal; marbletop tables; Budweiser banners Cleanliness: 4; very clean View: 4.5; great people watching
Bathroom Cleanliness: 4; urine under one urinal; floor acceptable Size: 4.5; two urinals, two stalls Hand wash/dry: 4.5; two sinks, two soaps, two paper towels; clean sink Entry and exit: 3.5; broken door allows for easy exit (Note: Key to good exit is the ability to touch nothing once hands are washed)
Facility Overall: 4.5
SERVICE Flexibility: 5; mustard on four-way Promptness/speed: 3.5; just a bit slow between order and eating; everything else great Friendliness: 3; not unfriendly Refills: 4; beers aplenty; waitress grabbed not-quite-empty beer and brought it back!
Service Overall: 4
FOOD Taste: 4; chili very tasty, a bit zesty; rubbery spaghetti Presentation: 3; sloppy chilito, not wrapped tightly; 'ways a little sloppy; larger 'ways had plate underneath for overflow Temperature: 3; warm, but not enough Order Accuracy: 5; even without writing down order
Food Overall: 4;
OTHER Menu extras: No menus on the table, but we agree that's kind of cool - for die-hards only Other extras: BEER! Parking access: 2; very limited parking Drive-thru: No Uniforms: Yes; blue or maroon knit shirts, short sleeves Napkins at table: Yes; even branded with "Feeling Good and Hungry" and logo Hot sauce: Yes; plastic bottle Candy showcase: No York Peppermints: Yes Gumball machine: Yes; in entry; novelty dispensers, too Dessert showcase: Yes; two Good Humor cases, Good Humor table tent menus Credit cards: Yes Blue straws: Yes; new, ugly translucent ones
Other Comments: Merchandise display by front door. Comment cards on tables. Double steam table. Garlic bread. Centralized vacuum cleaner system. Beer (Bud, Bud Light, Miller Lite, MGD, O'Doul's)!
Overall Rating: 4.5;
ERLANGER (3159 Dixie Highway) Facility Building: Part of a strip mall plaza Era: 1980s; decor like a '50s diner Technology: Old receipts; call out orders with lingo Decoration: 5; picture of the food on the wall; neon clock; inflatable cow Cleanliness: 4; floors a little messy View: 3; Big Kmart, Putt Putt, Bank and a CarX
Bathroom Cleanliness: 4; urine on the floor (possibly Scott's?); towels on the floor; still, not bad Size: 4; urinal and toilet stall Hand wash/dry: 4; Scot paper towels; no air dry Entry and exit: 4; had to pull to exit; trash can ready by door for towel drop
Facility Overall:
4.5
Service Flexibility: 5; mustard on the four-way Promptness/speed: 3; came early, but Scott's early restroom break slowed things down Friendliness: 3.5 Refills: 4; waited a little
Service Overall: 4
Food Taste: 4; something hard in the four-way; watery Presentation: 4; chilitos looked great; three-way looked bad Temperature: 4; warm Order accuracy: 5
Food Overall: 4
Other Menu extras: None Other extras: Forks wrapped in napkins (good); chips, cake and milk; hot sauce in glass bottle (huge) Parking Access: 4; large lot Drive-thru: Yes Uniforms: Yes; blue shirts with custom "Erlanger" embroidery Napkins at table: Yes (in addition to the fork wrap) Hot sauce: Yes; glass bottle Candy showcase: Yes York Peppermints: Yes Gumball machine: Yes; Gumball "Wizard" Dessert showcase: Yes Credit cards: Yes Blue straws: Yes
Other Comments: Greeted
as you enter. This one has a mystical hold on us. Well worth the drive.
If only the food was a little better. Overall Rating: 4 |
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